Hopefully, no one is asking “Who is Kato Kaelin?” For a magic moment, I was one of the hottest celebrities in the world.
I guess I’m the baby boomer poster boy for that pop culture “15 minutes of fame.” In fact, a few years after the O.J. trial, I went on a speaking tour billed as the The Sixteenth Minute, talking about my life since the limelight.
To paraphrase Shakespeare, or whatever dude said it: “Some men are born famous, some men achieve fame, and some have fame thrust upon them.” I’d be the first to admit that if I didn’t happen to be living in O.J.’s Simpson’s guest house on THAT night, you probably would never have heard of me.
Kato at trial
Not that I don’t have talent. I can act and I have “it,” just not enough of “it.” Even before O.J., I had a baby boomer career, of sorts. I was in a bunch of movies: Beach Fever, Cyborg 3, Surf, Sand and Sex, just to name a few. Remember me in Prototype x29a, where I played Rebel #1? I was flat out gnarly in that.
Right after the crime Trial of the Century, I had a gig as a radio talk host in L.A. But I couldn’t land any decent movie roles. My notoriety actually hurt me, I think. My critics were cruel, calling me a “professional freeloader.” Hey, I did a lot for that guest house, including taking care of the Simpson kids (who were brats). I especially resented the joke that I was living proof that Gilligan and Ginger had a child on the island.
Reality TV didn’t pan out, even though I’m a natural. A show in 2004 never made it to the screen. It was called House Guest, where I lived in the homes of other baby boomer C-list celebrities. I appeared as a contestant in Gimme My Reality Show. Obviously, I didn’t win.
Then there were the television game shows. I did Russian Roulette. The best was National Lampoon’s Strip Poker. After losing it all, models and Playboy bunnies would visit my “Guesthouse” in the raw to be interviewed by me. I was bitchin’ in the comedy sketches.
I keep on trucking. I’m one of the hosts on Eye For An Eye court show. Never seen it? It’s syndicated in 69 countries, but not here. I guest starred in the web series Star-ving. I have a role in the movie Whacked. I even made an appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher recently.
It’s hard to believe I’m over 50. I’m still devilishly handsome and probably eke out a better living than you.
Bon Mots from Kato
“I’m the guy, I’m kind of like the, uh, Everyman, so I think people just relate to that.”
“If there’s something that you hear on TV about me, just call me and I’ll tell you if it’s true.”
“Sometimes people just want you to fail.”